#hys presence made it so my girlfriend Intentionally Ignored me month after month after month when i Did try opening my mouth
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Urggh,, the thoughts are back,, how annoying,,,
#dk speaks#vent#after all I've gone through why do i still miss hys smile.#hys yelled at me time and time again#told me i was stupid and made me feel like i was intellectually Incapable of being hys true friend#all hy did was smile and speak sweet nothings then make me feel like shit when i couldn't give hym attention in the next hour#hy's snitched on me. turned my girlfriend against me for an entire year.#hys presence made it so my girlfriend Intentionally Ignored me month after month after month when i Did try opening my mouth#hy. had sex with her. hy flirted with her. hy raged when hy couldn't have everything that a romantic relationship has with her.#hy would get so angry at me. when i was weak and tired and sad and neglected.#hy wanted to cuddle her. kiss her. want alone time with her Constantly. sleep beside her in bed. fuck her. get extra emotional support.#an extra amount not entilted to friendship at all. but hy felt hy was entitled. extra for a Lover? no not at all. but a friend?#still cant even tell to This Day if hy was lying about not being in love with my wife for the entire time hy kept trying to claw her away ..#i dont know#all i know is i love him and i want the best for hym. i deeply just need hym happy.#and yet almost all my memories of hym are of drugs. hym degrading me regularly. me never ever ever being enough for hym.#and of hym fucking my wife while still claiming to respect me.#the mistake was made. it painted permanent colors. now i miss a boy who probably just needs me dead at this point.#i cant physically believe I'm loved after a year like this...#this isnt love.#i wasnt love.#it was never love#i dont know what it is. but it cant be love#god i just want normal clean fucking love again .
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